Black tie, white noise

Dear readers,

I find myself moved to consider the subject of black tie, or what our American cousins would call “the tuxedo”. (I should say that I do not mean that last remark at all snobbishly; that is what, for very good historical reasons, Americans call what the British refer to as “black tie”. To sneer at the phraseology is deeply demeaning and rather vulgar.) As far as the history of evening dress is concerned, I shall not rehearse it here, but one can do no better than read the appropriate section of Nicholas Storey’s A History of Men’s Accessories, the most comprehensive yet concise rehearsal of how we got to where we are with the modern dinner jacket.

However, I come to the subject with something of a cri de coeur, seeing very elegant formalwear treated so frequently with sloppiness and indignity. First, an encouragement. Worn properly, and approached properly, black tie will make a gentleman look as good as he is ever likely to of an evening, and can make anyone believe, if only for a while, that he has a whiff of Cary Grant or David Niven. But there are certain niceties to be observed, and rules to be followed. I daresay mine which will follow will be regarded as terribly subjective, and so they are: except that I am, of course, right.

My mind was turned to the subject in particular by a casual reference in the May edition of Gentleman’s Quarterly. (Why I am reading a “May” edition at the fag-end of March is another question, to the bottom of which I have never satisfactorily got.) I was pleased to read that “men are rediscovering the joys of dressing up”, even if some of us had never really abandoned them, but some awful advice was to follow. “Different colours, prints and fabrics are all acceptable”? Perhaps if one is employed in the pornography industry, or if one is from southern Europe. Otherwise, no. Black, please, and wool. No patterns.

Hereafter, then, are five simple rules to observe to look dashing and elegant when attending a black-tie function. Follow them, dear readers, and you will be the beau of the ball.

1) “Black tie” doesn’t just mean “a black tie”. There is a trend among actors and other disreputable professions to attend evening functions in a dinner jacket and a straight black tie. Some make a nod towards form by wearing one of satin. Don’t. Doubtless this is meant to convey the message that the wearer is no respecter of conventions, a maverick who plays by his own rules. In fact, flouting of one rule within a greater scheme of other rules is childish and pathetic. “Black tie” means an outfit which involves a bow tie. Wear one.

2) Cover the waist. There are many variations on black tie which don’t push the boundaries of acceptable conduct; one can wear a double-breasted dinner jacket, a cummerbund, a black waistcoat or even a white waistcoat (rather stylish, this, and sported by the aforementioned David Niven in Death on the Nile). But what no-one wants to see is your waistband, or, God preserve us, a belt. Whatever option you choose, there should be something covering the waist. Personally, I favour a cummerbund or a waistcoat. But a double-breasted jacket, kept buttoned, is perfectly acceptable. Flaunting the join in your outfit, however, is just lazy and untidy. A word on cummerbunds: gentlemen of more generous proportions need to make sure they fit properly. There is a terrible danger that a sloppily-worn cummerbund can slip underneath the belly and form a deeply unsightly “gut bra”, especially as the evening wears on. If you are worried about this eventuality, wear a waistcoat.

3) Keep it simple. Colour is not necessarily your friend. If in any doubt, your tie should be black and your pocket square white. Coloured bow ties are best avoided, and coloured bow tie-and-cummerbund combinations in anything but black are to be shunned completely. Ask yourself if you want people to suppose that you were given both in one box, probably from Debenhams. This is an area in which judgement may be exercised. Coloured pocket squares can be very attractive: Frank Sinatra habitually wore scarlet, hardly to his detriment, while a polka-dot or paisley design can lend a degree of acceptable individuality. When it comes to ties, there is less leeway. I am perfectly willing to countenance “institutional” colours (school, university, club, regiment, whatever), but their deployment should be sparing. A club tie, for example, should only be worn to an event at the appropriate club, and school or university colours shouldn’t get much use beyond reunion functions. For regimental colours I am more laid-back, as they have been earned the hard way, but even so, one should always ask why one is choosing a tie other than plain black. If there is not a simple reason, there probably isn’t one at all. Interestingly, the one area in which my views are liberal is that of hosiery: I wear scarlet socks with black tie, and think it is absolutely acceptable.

4) Get the shirt right. Another area of choice: wing or turndown collar? Marcella or pleats? I hold no strong brief in any direction, though personally I favour a turndown collar and a Marcella front. But it should be a proper evening shirt, ideally with studs. A plain white shirt will not quite do. It bespeaks cobbling together, and unfamiliarity with black tie. The point of black tie is that the wearer should look comfortable and relaxed in it. If, however, you are set on a wing collar, it must be a stiff, detachable collar. Wing-collared shirts with attached collars will always crumple underneath the band of the bow tie, and consequently look sloppy. This makes wing collars more of an effort, logistically and financially, but I’m afraid that there really is no alternative if that is the path you choose.

5) Tie your own tie. It should go without saying that automatic bow ties are beyond the pale, but alas does not. Tying a bow tie is not difficult; if one can master shoelaces, one can conquer the bow tie. You would not (I hope) wear a clip-on straight tie, so why so many people believe automatic bow ties are acceptable is beyond me. A club I belonged to at university demanded the immediate destruction of said items by fire if detected, and I cannot honestly say that it was a bad practice. Worse still is the deeply underhand procedure of wearing a pre-made bow tie but carrying a loose tie in the pocket to be slung around the neck later in the night to indicate a “relaxed” pose. That is simply wrong.

So there we are. A few simple rules, which, if followed, will make anyone look good at a black tie event. It shouldn’t be that hard, but, everywhere you look, you see evidence that perhaps it is. I am, therefore, happy to be able to help.